Passover to me is all about connection to the past. The ancient story, yes, but also: my aunt Cissie's brisket recipe, which we only make once a year even though it's so simple and so good; my mother's chicken soup, which my wife now makes; my mother's way of making charoset--by hand, in a wooden bowl with a hand chopper; the hagaddah I stitched together from all the sources my parents liked, with certain key phrases that I remember from all of my childhood seders.
That's the thing: every time you do it brings back all the other times you've done it: with your parents, with your college friends; in the set of a play with your theater company, as a parent yourself. It's a time machine
No small task to weave those three topics together so beautifully. This week has been tough for those of us who sat through hours of con law fighting sleep. Turns out I didn’t actually need to stay awake since so much is no longer relevant. Anyway. Here’s something I came upon a few years ago re my peeps. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/jewish-practices-and-customs/. We are a pretty diverse group. And while we don’t believe in hell, guilt is a pretty strong component of Jewish life, and in the hands of strong Jewish women, not to be underestimated as a motivator.
Growing up, my Seder was at my aunt’s house, mother’s side. There might have been a Haggadah there, but not likely. But there was a Sedar plate and all the traditional foods, and we gorged Thanksgiving level. Great non religious time had by all. When I attended my husband’s family Seders, led by his maternal grandfather (most amazing man who fled from Poland and ended up in a Siberian work camp), the meal was pretty much secondary to reading the Haggadah in Hebrew and lots of atonal singing. I miss David terribly, but don’t miss those Sedars. JVL should link to this essay. Just saying.
Apr 27·edited Apr 27Liked by Holly Berkley Fletcher
Re the bitter herb, coming from a Polish Catholic family (mother's side) we ate horse radish with ham of kielbasi. Not kosher by a long shot. But wonderful.
This is why I love the liturgy (Anglican, currently). We all join together each week, some of us daily, to recite ancient poems and prayers that have sustained Christians since almost the beginning. The sacrament of communion, in this setting, is full of beautiful ritual and meaning that is always there for anyone to experience, whether or not we feel like it or believe in the moment.
Our Seders are staffed with friends, Jews or not. As a result it’s pretty loosey-goosey and my (now adult) children still respond to any server who asks them, “Is that enough?” with “Dayenu.”
We’re mostly gastronomic and High Holiday Jews, so Passover is huge even if we do play around with some of the deeply boring stuff. That’s OUR tradition and it’s been passed down and I think it will always be. Spit spit.
Every time I read something of yours, I want it to go on and on and this was no exception. I love how you interwove the book club with the pot luck dinners with community and for me, most importantly, the Seder. Thank you so much.
The foot note really resonates. When meeting evangelicals, my first instinct is to say I was christened and raised Lutheran and believe in God so it stops them from saving me from Satan. I just hope we move on to a different subject before the question on how often I go to church.
Grew up Catholic and wow did I try to be the perfect Catholic. But...we had a parting of ways for all the reasons people have left over the past 15-20 years.
This week, I found Reconstructionist Judaism and I fell in love.
When I read the prayers I am compelled to remember there is a universe bigger than me and I don't have to figure it all out. And that loving myself is the entrance to eternity.
Today was my first toe in water joining a non-Roman Catholic faith community. (One might say there's a standard litany of reasons to leave hehe). Episcopalian parish.
It is slightly disorienting, because I going someplace new feels like the finally throwing in the towel on something that was hugely formative in my life (graduated from a Catholic high school and college that were really stellar, got married in a Catholic church, and had my son baptized). The last few parishes I'd been to full-heartedly threw themselves in to various culture wars, pandemic nonsense, political causes. I simply couldn't imagine raising my son in the tradition, and then trying to explain away this stuff on the car ride home (in addition to the fact that his only-child-ism was an affront to God, that many of his favorite humans were "intrinsically morally disordered", and that the women in his life were second class citizens.)
Passover to me is all about connection to the past. The ancient story, yes, but also: my aunt Cissie's brisket recipe, which we only make once a year even though it's so simple and so good; my mother's chicken soup, which my wife now makes; my mother's way of making charoset--by hand, in a wooden bowl with a hand chopper; the hagaddah I stitched together from all the sources my parents liked, with certain key phrases that I remember from all of my childhood seders.
That's the thing: every time you do it brings back all the other times you've done it: with your parents, with your college friends; in the set of a play with your theater company, as a parent yourself. It's a time machine
A time machine. Yes. Wow.
No small task to weave those three topics together so beautifully. This week has been tough for those of us who sat through hours of con law fighting sleep. Turns out I didn’t actually need to stay awake since so much is no longer relevant. Anyway. Here’s something I came upon a few years ago re my peeps. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/jewish-practices-and-customs/. We are a pretty diverse group. And while we don’t believe in hell, guilt is a pretty strong component of Jewish life, and in the hands of strong Jewish women, not to be underestimated as a motivator.
Growing up, my Seder was at my aunt’s house, mother’s side. There might have been a Haggadah there, but not likely. But there was a Sedar plate and all the traditional foods, and we gorged Thanksgiving level. Great non religious time had by all. When I attended my husband’s family Seders, led by his maternal grandfather (most amazing man who fled from Poland and ended up in a Siberian work camp), the meal was pretty much secondary to reading the Haggadah in Hebrew and lots of atonal singing. I miss David terribly, but don’t miss those Sedars. JVL should link to this essay. Just saying.
Re the bitter herb, coming from a Polish Catholic family (mother's side) we ate horse radish with ham of kielbasi. Not kosher by a long shot. But wonderful.
This is why I love the liturgy (Anglican, currently). We all join together each week, some of us daily, to recite ancient poems and prayers that have sustained Christians since almost the beginning. The sacrament of communion, in this setting, is full of beautiful ritual and meaning that is always there for anyone to experience, whether or not we feel like it or believe in the moment.
Yes indeed. I have liturgy lite at my Methodist church and i love it.
Our Seders are staffed with friends, Jews or not. As a result it’s pretty loosey-goosey and my (now adult) children still respond to any server who asks them, “Is that enough?” with “Dayenu.”
We’re mostly gastronomic and High Holiday Jews, so Passover is huge even if we do play around with some of the deeply boring stuff. That’s OUR tradition and it’s been passed down and I think it will always be. Spit spit.
Every time I read something of yours, I want it to go on and on and this was no exception. I love how you interwove the book club with the pot luck dinners with community and for me, most importantly, the Seder. Thank you so much.
The foot note really resonates. When meeting evangelicals, my first instinct is to say I was christened and raised Lutheran and believe in God so it stops them from saving me from Satan. I just hope we move on to a different subject before the question on how often I go to church.
Again...thank you for this essay.
Grew up Catholic and wow did I try to be the perfect Catholic. But...we had a parting of ways for all the reasons people have left over the past 15-20 years.
This week, I found Reconstructionist Judaism and I fell in love.
When I read the prayers I am compelled to remember there is a universe bigger than me and I don't have to figure it all out. And that loving myself is the entrance to eternity.
Today was my first toe in water joining a non-Roman Catholic faith community. (One might say there's a standard litany of reasons to leave hehe). Episcopalian parish.
It is slightly disorienting, because I going someplace new feels like the finally throwing in the towel on something that was hugely formative in my life (graduated from a Catholic high school and college that were really stellar, got married in a Catholic church, and had my son baptized). The last few parishes I'd been to full-heartedly threw themselves in to various culture wars, pandemic nonsense, political causes. I simply couldn't imagine raising my son in the tradition, and then trying to explain away this stuff on the car ride home (in addition to the fact that his only-child-ism was an affront to God, that many of his favorite humans were "intrinsically morally disordered", and that the women in his life were second class citizens.)