You write so beautifully. We left the US a bit over two weeks ago, letting ourselves out through a narrow legal door we built for ourselves 20 years ago. It will not be easy, especially for the first couple of years. But yes: I talk to my friends still in the US, and the survivors' guilt is starting to ring loudly in my ears.
We're not out of Trump's reach where we are. No place on this planet is. But we are two big steps back from the insanity that's going on in the US, and that does make daily life considerably more sweet and sane. Our family is mostly together. We can provide for ourselves. And we are among people who still share the mutual trust that is the foundation of civilization, and uphold a thick social contract that makes a functioning democracy possible. Their daily actions hold open a future in our new home that is no longer possible in the US.
Being able to leave is a rare privilege, and the moment-to-moment relief and gratitude I'm feeling is deeply mingled with guilt over the fate of those we left behind. I don't know if I can disentangle this. I'm not sure it would be moral to try. I suspect your Ukrainian friends understand this feeling very well. I wish you all the best in finding an answer that allows them to stay.
Excruciating and so beautifully expressed. I know when I’m truly shattered because I don’t hear music. I love music and believe it connects us — as One — and that it’s a miraculous gift from God. But there’s just silence right now and a cyclone swirling in my skull like you described. There’s one piece I deeply love, gonna spin it up after I listen to U2, see what happens. Thanks, Holly.
Thanks for sharing your reflections, Holly. I share this sense of deep anxiety for my friends and guilt that I am not there with them now in the trenches. I retired from federal service in December, and I am waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, all my muscles clinched, as I worry about my friends still in the government. It feels to me like an institutionalized version of when some Americans would spit on soldiers returning home from Vietnam, despising them even though they had laid it all on the line to serve the nation. That kind of betrayal is hard to absorb emotionally and psychologically. Many never recovered.
Excellent analogy. I retired from a nonprofit a year ago that received federal grants, and am blown away by the purposeful structural and emotional damage unleashed by a corrupt, highly damaged individual(s). During the pandemic, I put in place the motto LOVE. COMPASSION. COMMUNITY. for our staff to focus on, since we were a 24/7 nonprofit. It helped the entire team to get through a very difficult time. I offer these words to help. We are here for all of you, during and after this difficult time. A democracy has to be a community in order to function.
I am a retiree with a decent pension and savings so will survive and my son is middle aged and ok. But for the rest of Americans, well no matter where you work, whether in govt or in commerce the next few years could be dicey.
But let's talk about the USAID. I am old enough to remember when VP Nixon was attacked by a violent mob while on a goodwill tour. JFK asked Congress to authorize an agency to provide aid to other nations to counter anti-American feeling.. The Peace Corps was also established. US aid is part of our soft power. An example is under George Bush II who (for all his faults) pushed for money to fight AIDS in Africa and the Caribbean. The program has been a huge success - and with our leadership, other nations followed.
But Trump does not understand soft power and so... well he will destroy America's standing in the world possibly in a matter of weeks.
I volunteered for 10 years at the Paterson Great Fall National Historical Park. I gave tours and wrote posts about history for Facebook, This month I would have posted about MLK and about Black History Month. We would write often about how immigrants built Paterson, starting with the Irish and continuing now to Bangladeshis.
I would be afraid to post anything like that today (i retired from this last year).
Beautifully said. I worry most because so many people I know aren’t just turning away but are turning in - as if talking about it will make it worse. One love: we must be here for each other. I’ll listen days you need to talk, and I’ll hope you’ll listen days I need to talk. And when we can, we function together, arm in arm. “Community” is clearer now: it’s not a rigid commitment to some purity; it’s a commitment to being in relationship with one another. To lean when we have to, to uphold when we can, to remember that, with love, we can be one.
I feel very defiant. These evil men are everywhere now: Trump, Musk, Putin. I do worry about what will happen to the Ukrainians. But I feel defiant specifically because of Ukrainians. If they’ve faced down Stalin, and Hitler, and Putin, I can’t give in to despair. We’re at a terrible moment in world history. But we’re in it together. Each person gives strength to the next. Be defiant like Ukrainians. Defiance gives us strength. ❤️💙💛
Holly - You tried your best to save our fellow Americans from themselves the last 10 years. I am glad you are not stopping and neither should we. The work gets infinitely harder now but what choice do we have.
Once again we're on the same wavelength, Holly. My post, "The Last Polio" at The Deep End this week is about the awful possibilities of polio returning if RFK jr is confirmed. What most people don't realize is that the "Lepers in your head" are actual modern-day lepers in a sense--we who are "disabled" from polio or anything else were among the first to be disposed of by the Third Reich. We carry the shame of our deformed bodies while influencers demand perfection we can never attain. The only thing that can cure our shame is God's love. If you want to see the post: www.Lindasclare.substack.com
Thank you for this beautiful piece Holly. I feel we are all kindred spirits here, maybe with our own varying situations at hand, but with that same foul thread running through them. Someone commented about hearing more conversations taking place in real life, and I've heard more people vocalizing concerns, of which there are many also. At the very least, it seems people are engaging and the finger pointing has calmed somewhat. That's kind of encouraging, living where I do where money talks and folks have plenty of it. (except us regular folks) I love U2 and am a longtime fan. I always thought the song had more of a social bent to it if you listen on a deeper level. Unless you happen to be driving long distance and the song comes on and you're scream singing in the car.... or maybe I just do that. That song also moved along his Amfar push with the Bush administration which worked. Anyway thank you, beautiful as always. Even when you think you're not doing Holly, you are. You're a wonderful and safe place for us to land. So I'll thank you again.
Appreciate your honesty, and (what I hear as) your invitation to wrestle in our own lives as you're wrestling in yours. What can/should/must we do? (While also taking care of ourselves?) Listening and wrestling with you.
Karen Williams said the following in her comment above: "A democracy has to be a community in order to function." I call myself a "Team Builder" and have done everything possible to build teams in every job and organization that I served in throughout my 85 year journey. Thank you Holly for sharing your thoughts and working to do better for not only your friends and family, but a greater community of caring souls. I have never been as worried about our nation and its people as I am now. Thankfully I have this supporting community of caring people sharing their thoughts and suggestions here on Substack. I gather strength and resolve from my curated group of like minded people.
You write so beautifully. We left the US a bit over two weeks ago, letting ourselves out through a narrow legal door we built for ourselves 20 years ago. It will not be easy, especially for the first couple of years. But yes: I talk to my friends still in the US, and the survivors' guilt is starting to ring loudly in my ears.
We're not out of Trump's reach where we are. No place on this planet is. But we are two big steps back from the insanity that's going on in the US, and that does make daily life considerably more sweet and sane. Our family is mostly together. We can provide for ourselves. And we are among people who still share the mutual trust that is the foundation of civilization, and uphold a thick social contract that makes a functioning democracy possible. Their daily actions hold open a future in our new home that is no longer possible in the US.
Being able to leave is a rare privilege, and the moment-to-moment relief and gratitude I'm feeling is deeply mingled with guilt over the fate of those we left behind. I don't know if I can disentangle this. I'm not sure it would be moral to try. I suspect your Ukrainian friends understand this feeling very well. I wish you all the best in finding an answer that allows them to stay.
Excruciating and so beautifully expressed. I know when I’m truly shattered because I don’t hear music. I love music and believe it connects us — as One — and that it’s a miraculous gift from God. But there’s just silence right now and a cyclone swirling in my skull like you described. There’s one piece I deeply love, gonna spin it up after I listen to U2, see what happens. Thanks, Holly.
Thanks for sharing your reflections, Holly. I share this sense of deep anxiety for my friends and guilt that I am not there with them now in the trenches. I retired from federal service in December, and I am waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, all my muscles clinched, as I worry about my friends still in the government. It feels to me like an institutionalized version of when some Americans would spit on soldiers returning home from Vietnam, despising them even though they had laid it all on the line to serve the nation. That kind of betrayal is hard to absorb emotionally and psychologically. Many never recovered.
Excellent analogy. I retired from a nonprofit a year ago that received federal grants, and am blown away by the purposeful structural and emotional damage unleashed by a corrupt, highly damaged individual(s). During the pandemic, I put in place the motto LOVE. COMPASSION. COMMUNITY. for our staff to focus on, since we were a 24/7 nonprofit. It helped the entire team to get through a very difficult time. I offer these words to help. We are here for all of you, during and after this difficult time. A democracy has to be a community in order to function.
You said "A democracy has to be a community in order to function." This is so true and so necessary to be said. Thank you for sharing.
I am a retiree with a decent pension and savings so will survive and my son is middle aged and ok. But for the rest of Americans, well no matter where you work, whether in govt or in commerce the next few years could be dicey.
But let's talk about the USAID. I am old enough to remember when VP Nixon was attacked by a violent mob while on a goodwill tour. JFK asked Congress to authorize an agency to provide aid to other nations to counter anti-American feeling.. The Peace Corps was also established. US aid is part of our soft power. An example is under George Bush II who (for all his faults) pushed for money to fight AIDS in Africa and the Caribbean. The program has been a huge success - and with our leadership, other nations followed.
But Trump does not understand soft power and so... well he will destroy America's standing in the world possibly in a matter of weeks.
I volunteered for 10 years at the Paterson Great Fall National Historical Park. I gave tours and wrote posts about history for Facebook, This month I would have posted about MLK and about Black History Month. We would write often about how immigrants built Paterson, starting with the Irish and continuing now to Bangladeshis.
I would be afraid to post anything like that today (i retired from this last year).
Beautifully said. I worry most because so many people I know aren’t just turning away but are turning in - as if talking about it will make it worse. One love: we must be here for each other. I’ll listen days you need to talk, and I’ll hope you’ll listen days I need to talk. And when we can, we function together, arm in arm. “Community” is clearer now: it’s not a rigid commitment to some purity; it’s a commitment to being in relationship with one another. To lean when we have to, to uphold when we can, to remember that, with love, we can be one.
You have beautifully expressed the anguish and determination of us all.
Pretty emotional today. This was a tough but necessary read.
In a world where it’s “cool” to mock and ridicule U2, thank you for a more honest reflection on their enduring greatness.
You know Ive never been cool 😂
I feel very defiant. These evil men are everywhere now: Trump, Musk, Putin. I do worry about what will happen to the Ukrainians. But I feel defiant specifically because of Ukrainians. If they’ve faced down Stalin, and Hitler, and Putin, I can’t give in to despair. We’re at a terrible moment in world history. But we’re in it together. Each person gives strength to the next. Be defiant like Ukrainians. Defiance gives us strength. ❤️💙💛
Holly - You tried your best to save our fellow Americans from themselves the last 10 years. I am glad you are not stopping and neither should we. The work gets infinitely harder now but what choice do we have.
So beautifully put.
Once again we're on the same wavelength, Holly. My post, "The Last Polio" at The Deep End this week is about the awful possibilities of polio returning if RFK jr is confirmed. What most people don't realize is that the "Lepers in your head" are actual modern-day lepers in a sense--we who are "disabled" from polio or anything else were among the first to be disposed of by the Third Reich. We carry the shame of our deformed bodies while influencers demand perfection we can never attain. The only thing that can cure our shame is God's love. If you want to see the post: www.Lindasclare.substack.com
Holly, your writing is always great, but this one is a treasure. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful piece Holly. I feel we are all kindred spirits here, maybe with our own varying situations at hand, but with that same foul thread running through them. Someone commented about hearing more conversations taking place in real life, and I've heard more people vocalizing concerns, of which there are many also. At the very least, it seems people are engaging and the finger pointing has calmed somewhat. That's kind of encouraging, living where I do where money talks and folks have plenty of it. (except us regular folks) I love U2 and am a longtime fan. I always thought the song had more of a social bent to it if you listen on a deeper level. Unless you happen to be driving long distance and the song comes on and you're scream singing in the car.... or maybe I just do that. That song also moved along his Amfar push with the Bush administration which worked. Anyway thank you, beautiful as always. Even when you think you're not doing Holly, you are. You're a wonderful and safe place for us to land. So I'll thank you again.
Appreciate your honesty, and (what I hear as) your invitation to wrestle in our own lives as you're wrestling in yours. What can/should/must we do? (While also taking care of ourselves?) Listening and wrestling with you.
Karen Williams said the following in her comment above: "A democracy has to be a community in order to function." I call myself a "Team Builder" and have done everything possible to build teams in every job and organization that I served in throughout my 85 year journey. Thank you Holly for sharing your thoughts and working to do better for not only your friends and family, but a greater community of caring souls. I have never been as worried about our nation and its people as I am now. Thankfully I have this supporting community of caring people sharing their thoughts and suggestions here on Substack. I gather strength and resolve from my curated group of like minded people.