Thank you, Holly. I have had severe anxiety since childhood, but have never heard it described so well. I really enjoy your beautiful writing- every essay is a treat to be savored!
I loved everything in this post - thank you. I think the aspect of love connected with fear is so critical to understand and accept full-heartedly. And wow - #10 on that list from Benjamin Wittes: “it’s an honor to live in these times” - that asks for a complete change in my attitude and thinking and I appreciate the invitation to do that.
Thanks, Holly. I have been finding Diana Butler Bass to be very reassuring. I've been listening to Grounded, so I'll look at her Ws. I'm about ready to collapse from flu (does everyone have a respiratory disease?) and it feels like my bank, my state, my electric company, my pharmacy, and everyone else have completely given up. Trying to get anything accomplished in the world feels like I'm pushing through cement.
I joke about my ancestors speaking to me, but they remind me that my fears are normal and they lived through similar times, and it's okay to mourn my democracy and feel grief. And to count my potatoes today because there may be no potatoes tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder that anxiety comes from love and connection.
Also, the rule I made in my house that my kids weren't allowed to ask me what's for dinner sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it saved me so much angst and gray hairs.
It's not your imagination, everyone in the Great Lakes region does have Influenza A, or RSV, or human metapneumovirus, or COVID, or norovirus. (And I found influenza A to be brutal. vaccinated a month out, I still don't feel normal)
I need to get my masks back in circulation. The doctors here have been warning us about RSV, and that this year's flu shot seems to have missed the mark. There are doctor's offices where every single medical professional working there has the flu. Not to mention nursing homes and schools. I've also heard this round of COVID is giving kids high fevers. It's so much harder to have the mental and emotional bandwidth to handle everything when we're all sick! Stay healthy as best you can, Maggie, and it's great to see you here!
I was that missionary father. My wife and I have read lots of resources around 3rd culture kids, but some of the other pressures you list here help me realise more how complex a situation it is for children who grow up as missionary kids. I have apologised to my 3 numerous times for the pressures they experienced and am thankful all of them love the country they grew up in, and the experiences they had enough to tell me they wouldn't have it any other way.
I loved my experience on the whole! Like life itself there's good and bad, painful and joyful. I realized in the course of my research, however, that many MKs carry more of the painful and haven't been allowed to say that by the culture that celebrates missions.
It's sounds like you are willing to see things from other people's perspectives and have curiosity to learn.
And like maybe you didn't vote for trump 3 times? That is the final nail in the coffin for me. The horrible hypocrisy and cultiness of white American evangelical Christianity.
The exposure to different cultures was the positive part. The parents I had and the worldview I was raised with were the negative part. But maybe I was spared the full blast of white American Christianity that was happening here in the US at the same time. Pete Hegseth was in my Sunday school class in the US thru elementary school when we lived here.
I am Canadian so can assert I never voted for the chump. What he is was clear to me long before he put himself forward for public office. This is the most confusing of things for many in other countries to get our heads around- how did he end up in the White House the first time, and now after that disastrous 4 years...again? How in heaven's name did the electorate give him two kicks at the can?
But surpassing that is the confusion I feel because of those who claim to follow Jesus and also support trump and the agenda of those with whom he surrounds himself. Most of them are actually following Judas more than Christ for their attitudes and actions are a betrayal of Jesus and all he was, and taught.
I hope you find encouragement in a few true friends who understand that being a Christian is about denying ourselves, taking up our cross daily, and following the Lord. Friends like that will help us all get through these darkening times.
I can relate so much. I fear because I care so much for others. Current affairs panic me, not for me, as much, but for all my loved ones and friends. You expressed the anxiety within so well. Keep writing.
Holly, everything you write touches my heart, and soothes my soul. This though is like I just had a prescription filled for the anxiety that I’ve always carried but that now comes in overwhelming waves with each new assault on democracy and humanity. I can stop chastising myself for my weakness and take comfort that I feel because I care. Thank you Holly - you are such a gift to us all!
Thank you for sharing this Holly! It’s like you’re in my head. I can relate to your words and tone. I keep telling myself I can’t do it all but what I can do, with Gods help is good enough. I’d love to interview you for my podcast if you’re open to sharing this message of not fearing with a broader audience. What do you say?
While I offer only anecdote to support my claim, I think that modern America is a uniquely terrible place to have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I have relative by marriage who came here in the 60s from a soviet puppet state (she was in her 20s at the time). In the early 90's, her sister came to visit her for the first time in Florida to visit. On the way home from the airport they stopped in a Publix. This poor woman walked into Publix looked around, and immediately passed out from shock upon seeing the amount and variety of food. I always thought that seemed like a perfectly sane reaction, and I think of these women every time I have to choose between more than three kinds of orange juice.
Thanks for this affirming piece. We're not alone in our struggles, it's okay to talk about them and at the same time make peace with the ones we have (like the cleaning the house thing) we can't do it all. I felt like I'd run a 5k after reading this because I could so relate. I'm not a MK but I relate the pressure growing up. Diana's work is a great source of comfort and so is yours. So I thank you for being you.
It took courage and honesty to write about this. I admire that about you. You especially honest to yourself. I know so many people who lie to themselves and don't want to see themselves in the mirror how they really are.
Holly, since I am getting into trouble commenting here, I'll just say that when I read Ali Velshi's book Small Acts of Courage, he said something like he has stopped believing that the arc of the moral universe bends towards justice, but rather the arc of the moral universe bends the way we bend it. It's not something that ever can be definitively answered obviously, but I like how it stresses the importance of our own agency, which, of course, you do here as well. The version of Christianity I grew up with seemed to take away my agency, so I like the emphasis.
Thankyou Holly, last week it hit me a perpetual fear. Fear I let my folks down. Fear humility I selfishly love because it feels like a warm fuzzy sweater will vanish forever. Fear is a wicked foe. Your discipline help a great deal. Thankyou 🌻
Thank you, Holly. I have had severe anxiety since childhood, but have never heard it described so well. I really enjoy your beautiful writing- every essay is a treat to be savored!
I loved everything in this post - thank you. I think the aspect of love connected with fear is so critical to understand and accept full-heartedly. And wow - #10 on that list from Benjamin Wittes: “it’s an honor to live in these times” - that asks for a complete change in my attitude and thinking and I appreciate the invitation to do that.
Thanks, Holly. I have been finding Diana Butler Bass to be very reassuring. I've been listening to Grounded, so I'll look at her Ws. I'm about ready to collapse from flu (does everyone have a respiratory disease?) and it feels like my bank, my state, my electric company, my pharmacy, and everyone else have completely given up. Trying to get anything accomplished in the world feels like I'm pushing through cement.
I joke about my ancestors speaking to me, but they remind me that my fears are normal and they lived through similar times, and it's okay to mourn my democracy and feel grief. And to count my potatoes today because there may be no potatoes tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder that anxiety comes from love and connection.
Also, the rule I made in my house that my kids weren't allowed to ask me what's for dinner sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it saved me so much angst and gray hairs.
It's not your imagination, everyone in the Great Lakes region does have Influenza A, or RSV, or human metapneumovirus, or COVID, or norovirus. (And I found influenza A to be brutal. vaccinated a month out, I still don't feel normal)
https://data.wastewaterscan.org/?selectedLocation=%7B%22level%22%3A%22regional%22,%22label%22%3A%22Northeast%22,%22value%22%3A%22Northeast%22%7D
I need to get my masks back in circulation. The doctors here have been warning us about RSV, and that this year's flu shot seems to have missed the mark. There are doctor's offices where every single medical professional working there has the flu. Not to mention nursing homes and schools. I've also heard this round of COVID is giving kids high fevers. It's so much harder to have the mental and emotional bandwidth to handle everything when we're all sick! Stay healthy as best you can, Maggie, and it's great to see you here!
Thank you. Just. Thanks.
I was that missionary father. My wife and I have read lots of resources around 3rd culture kids, but some of the other pressures you list here help me realise more how complex a situation it is for children who grow up as missionary kids. I have apologised to my 3 numerous times for the pressures they experienced and am thankful all of them love the country they grew up in, and the experiences they had enough to tell me they wouldn't have it any other way.
I loved my experience on the whole! Like life itself there's good and bad, painful and joyful. I realized in the course of my research, however, that many MKs carry more of the painful and haven't been allowed to say that by the culture that celebrates missions.
It's sounds like you are willing to see things from other people's perspectives and have curiosity to learn.
And like maybe you didn't vote for trump 3 times? That is the final nail in the coffin for me. The horrible hypocrisy and cultiness of white American evangelical Christianity.
The exposure to different cultures was the positive part. The parents I had and the worldview I was raised with were the negative part. But maybe I was spared the full blast of white American Christianity that was happening here in the US at the same time. Pete Hegseth was in my Sunday school class in the US thru elementary school when we lived here.
I am Canadian so can assert I never voted for the chump. What he is was clear to me long before he put himself forward for public office. This is the most confusing of things for many in other countries to get our heads around- how did he end up in the White House the first time, and now after that disastrous 4 years...again? How in heaven's name did the electorate give him two kicks at the can?
But surpassing that is the confusion I feel because of those who claim to follow Jesus and also support trump and the agenda of those with whom he surrounds himself. Most of them are actually following Judas more than Christ for their attitudes and actions are a betrayal of Jesus and all he was, and taught.
I hope you find encouragement in a few true friends who understand that being a Christian is about denying ourselves, taking up our cross daily, and following the Lord. Friends like that will help us all get through these darkening times.
I can relate so much. I fear because I care so much for others. Current affairs panic me, not for me, as much, but for all my loved ones and friends. You expressed the anxiety within so well. Keep writing.
Holly, everything you write touches my heart, and soothes my soul. This though is like I just had a prescription filled for the anxiety that I’ve always carried but that now comes in overwhelming waves with each new assault on democracy and humanity. I can stop chastising myself for my weakness and take comfort that I feel because I care. Thank you Holly - you are such a gift to us all!
Thank you for sharing this Holly! It’s like you’re in my head. I can relate to your words and tone. I keep telling myself I can’t do it all but what I can do, with Gods help is good enough. I’d love to interview you for my podcast if you’re open to sharing this message of not fearing with a broader audience. What do you say?
While I offer only anecdote to support my claim, I think that modern America is a uniquely terrible place to have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I have relative by marriage who came here in the 60s from a soviet puppet state (she was in her 20s at the time). In the early 90's, her sister came to visit her for the first time in Florida to visit. On the way home from the airport they stopped in a Publix. This poor woman walked into Publix looked around, and immediately passed out from shock upon seeing the amount and variety of food. I always thought that seemed like a perfectly sane reaction, and I think of these women every time I have to choose between more than three kinds of orange juice.
Yes, it is rough for those overwhelmed by choice.
"it's an honor to live in these times" is a whole word right there
Right?!
outstanding. thank you
Thanks for this affirming piece. We're not alone in our struggles, it's okay to talk about them and at the same time make peace with the ones we have (like the cleaning the house thing) we can't do it all. I felt like I'd run a 5k after reading this because I could so relate. I'm not a MK but I relate the pressure growing up. Diana's work is a great source of comfort and so is yours. So I thank you for being you.
It took courage and honesty to write about this. I admire that about you. You especially honest to yourself. I know so many people who lie to themselves and don't want to see themselves in the mirror how they really are.
I’m going to print this out and tape it to my mirror in the bedroom. Thank you!
Fellow missionary kid here. Thank you dear ♥️♥️♥️
Holly, since I am getting into trouble commenting here, I'll just say that when I read Ali Velshi's book Small Acts of Courage, he said something like he has stopped believing that the arc of the moral universe bends towards justice, but rather the arc of the moral universe bends the way we bend it. It's not something that ever can be definitively answered obviously, but I like how it stresses the importance of our own agency, which, of course, you do here as well. The version of Christianity I grew up with seemed to take away my agency, so I like the emphasis.
Thankyou Holly, last week it hit me a perpetual fear. Fear I let my folks down. Fear humility I selfishly love because it feels like a warm fuzzy sweater will vanish forever. Fear is a wicked foe. Your discipline help a great deal. Thankyou 🌻