Thank you for this! I could easily have written this myself, albeit without boarding school and the evangelical zeal, but I relate to this so hard. It’s been a journey since 2016, but I too am a Bulwark junkie, went through a divorce, lost connection to my faith, felt like an outcast in my family, and learned to bite my tongue around lots of my friends (sometimes). It has often been bewildering. But when I tune into the Bulwark pods (and a few other select shows), I feel like I’ve come home and snuggled into a cozy blanket where I’m wrapped up in the comfort of people like me. In that world, I can feel and even say what I want. Out loud. By myself. In my imaginary conversation with the Bulwark hosts or my misguided friends. 😬 So you see I’m the same kind of weirdo. But it feels so good to let it all out and not be met with quizzical looks, conspiracy theories, or accusations of overreacting. And now I suspect our weirdo tribe is bigger than we think, and I feel a lot less alone, and just slightly less weird.
Love this. As someone raised as an evangelical who is also a Never Trumper and still has a solid faith (albeit not the same as my upbringing), I am with you sister. Nice to be here.
Here here! I feel for ya, sister. I sense parallels btn your journey and mine. I'm a PK rather than an MK. My context of cultural displacement was not as extreme but felt much like you describe. And I feel the same abt the Bulwark. My husband read JVL way back when before Galley Slaves. The arc of our Republican disillusionment was more severe than his, but during Trump, we were like, oh thank God, JVL gets it and I KNEW HIS INSTINCTS WERE RIGHT EVEN WAY BACK WHEN...etc. So yay. I'm glad for all us weirdos and super motivated to support this community.
I found you because of JVL. I can't remember how I found The Bulwark but the newsletters are fabulous - unless so dark I must scroll away. Anyway, thanks for this really personal piece. It doesn't fit my story at all but it opens my eyes to yours (and others). Keep on Keepin' ON :)
Agree. The Bulwark does feel like a community. I like the addition of Saletan, Cathy Young, and Joe Perticone. It’s really fleshing out the Bulwark.
On the Trump thing, within mos of him being elected and working his way through the Presidency I kept being reminded of Lance Armstrong’s cycling career. Both have narcissistic personalities. Both had a will to dominate. Both thought good morals are for suckers and losers. Both worked very hard to bend institutions to their will. Both demanded loyalty and have none in return. Both were surrounded by sycophants and toadies. Lance was brought down by a number of whistleblowers and two journalists, David Walsh and Paul Kimmage, who were willing to destroy their careers to get to the truth. Whistleblowers: Betsey Andreu, who was at the hospital when Lance told his bdoctor the menu of drugs he was taking. Floyd Landis, a former Mennonite and loyal teammate who just couldn’t square Lance snubbing him after remaining loyal to him and his team. And finally Tyler Hamilton, also a former teammate who went on 60 minutes to detail his own doping career and Lances.
Where things differed are the that after hearing the testimony, the institutions (mainly, the UCI and USA Cycling) snapped back into shape and followed their own rules. Lance was suspended for life from all events ALL. His confession to Oprah was likely an attempt to weasel back into racing. Then came the lawsuits.
I think I can bring this back around. The never-trumpers are right in warning us all that he won’t be stopped until he is stopped by institutions. Voters can’t stop him. The Democratic Party can’t stop him. He must suffer the fate of Armstrong. Cast out forever by his own allies.
Voters CAN stop him. We’ve already done it once. It’s the institutions that are failing us, they are ineffective when faced with people of ill-will determined to ignore norms and laws for power.
I think there are things we can and should do to strengthen our democracy, but the voters do worry me. Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the other forms.
In a roundabout way I meant voters aren’t enough to excise an authoritarian from the body politic. Defeat at the ballot box isn’t enough. Cycling had their 16 Republican senators willing to remove Armstrong from “office”. It’s a combo of a few people within his circle willing to destroy themselves + authorities willing to pursue justice + members and/or elites supporting them. Never-Trump is phase one. Phase 2 is the trials and investigations. The final phase is the party elites turning their backs on him. Armstrong is still a pariah in cycling, but he’s still constantly trying to worm his way back. He’s going to be in a reality TV show soon. Trump, like Lance, will never go away. Losing an election is an inconvenience.
At least Trump is much older than Lance? If you want an even scarier parallel, check out the the story of South Africa's version of Donald Trump, Jacob Zuma. The party finally dumped him but only after he did enormous damage. And he's a rapist, too!
Same! Wow, thank you for writing this post. I was an elder at a church here in Chicago during the rise and eventual presidency of Trump. I have yet to be able to write about it but I’m no longer a member, let alone an elder, of that church because of some Trumpian dynamics.
Seeing people at The Bulwark sacrifice so much for principles matter a lot to me.
I too love your parodies! And like several commenters before me, your story sounds so much like mine. It's so nice to find this new tribe in a dark time. Keep writing!
I have come to The Bulwark from the opposite direction. I'm left-of-center yet love what I hear on The Bulwark because (to me) it's what politics *should* be. Everyone agrees on the goal: make the country the best it can be. What we disagree on is how best to get there. But at least the folks at The Bulwark are willing to admit there are problems, and they give good-faith suggestions to their opponents.
Or maybe I'm just older now and getting more conservative.
Hi Holly, it's so nice to get to know you! I absolutely love this personal essay. There's a lot I can relate to after leaving Catholicism and my hometown. I found the Bulwark, where I met you, the same way you did: hating the sense of not-belonging I had from spotting early that Trump is a sociopath. Boy does this resonate: "I’ve sadly had experience with a bonafide sociopath and recognized Trump as one immediately." Somehow when I explain I can't support Trump because I'm related to a sociopath, it doesn't sway any voters. Imagine that! But I've been "meeting" interesting and intelligent people like you online, and it makes me feel a little less crazy. I think we should keep opting for weird, though.
I like the Bulwark+ because 1) they’re freed from and antagonistic to the right wing siloed media kowtowing to itself and 2) they provide valid and objective criticisms of the left that often go unchallenged in mainstream media.
As far as objective journalism and reasoned opinion out there, it’s the best I’ve found. That, and the community associated with it are smart, creative, thoughtful and engaging, much like yourself.
Love this. I have also been in search of a herd since 2016. Lost a lot of friends. Struggled to find a new church. Still afraid to talk to people there. Found a great online community with The Bulwark and my secret Facebook group.
So glad I found this! While I was never anything close to a Republican, I love The Bulwark because it reminds me that the people who are slightly to the right of center (who yes, now are basically Dems) are not insane.
I was at Wellesley on election night 2016. Instead of getting a congratulations we did it from our most famous alum, we slumped in each others arms and wept.
People told me I was overreacting. We were ALL underreacting.
The Bulwark is the place where I go to know...nope...still not overreacting.
Though man...those podcasts...I just cannot with them.
I loved this piece, and you have Amanda down Pat. I am a Democrat and find myself at home at the Bulwark. I do worry that Niki Haley ends up being the candidate, and I will lose all of my Bulwark friends.
Keep up the great parody videos. Really like the latest one with the Amanda spoof.
In the before time, I never feel the connection to a publication like I am with the Bulwark today. Listening to their pods, watching the livestream and attending live events really build a different type of relationship. They are truly the best thing that happened since that awful day when Trump descended from the escalator.
Thank you for this! I could easily have written this myself, albeit without boarding school and the evangelical zeal, but I relate to this so hard. It’s been a journey since 2016, but I too am a Bulwark junkie, went through a divorce, lost connection to my faith, felt like an outcast in my family, and learned to bite my tongue around lots of my friends (sometimes). It has often been bewildering. But when I tune into the Bulwark pods (and a few other select shows), I feel like I’ve come home and snuggled into a cozy blanket where I’m wrapped up in the comfort of people like me. In that world, I can feel and even say what I want. Out loud. By myself. In my imaginary conversation with the Bulwark hosts or my misguided friends. 😬 So you see I’m the same kind of weirdo. But it feels so good to let it all out and not be met with quizzical looks, conspiracy theories, or accusations of overreacting. And now I suspect our weirdo tribe is bigger than we think, and I feel a lot less alone, and just slightly less weird.
We really aren’t the weirdos, it is the people around us who went berserk.
Amen! However i am a lil weird. It’s ok.
Love this. As someone raised as an evangelical who is also a Never Trumper and still has a solid faith (albeit not the same as my upbringing), I am with you sister. Nice to be here.
Here here! I feel for ya, sister. I sense parallels btn your journey and mine. I'm a PK rather than an MK. My context of cultural displacement was not as extreme but felt much like you describe. And I feel the same abt the Bulwark. My husband read JVL way back when before Galley Slaves. The arc of our Republican disillusionment was more severe than his, but during Trump, we were like, oh thank God, JVL gets it and I KNEW HIS INSTINCTS WERE RIGHT EVEN WAY BACK WHEN...etc. So yay. I'm glad for all us weirdos and super motivated to support this community.
JVL IS ALWAYS RIGHT
I absolutely need that mug
I found you because of JVL. I can't remember how I found The Bulwark but the newsletters are fabulous - unless so dark I must scroll away. Anyway, thanks for this really personal piece. It doesn't fit my story at all but it opens my eyes to yours (and others). Keep on Keepin' ON :)
Agree. The Bulwark does feel like a community. I like the addition of Saletan, Cathy Young, and Joe Perticone. It’s really fleshing out the Bulwark.
On the Trump thing, within mos of him being elected and working his way through the Presidency I kept being reminded of Lance Armstrong’s cycling career. Both have narcissistic personalities. Both had a will to dominate. Both thought good morals are for suckers and losers. Both worked very hard to bend institutions to their will. Both demanded loyalty and have none in return. Both were surrounded by sycophants and toadies. Lance was brought down by a number of whistleblowers and two journalists, David Walsh and Paul Kimmage, who were willing to destroy their careers to get to the truth. Whistleblowers: Betsey Andreu, who was at the hospital when Lance told his bdoctor the menu of drugs he was taking. Floyd Landis, a former Mennonite and loyal teammate who just couldn’t square Lance snubbing him after remaining loyal to him and his team. And finally Tyler Hamilton, also a former teammate who went on 60 minutes to detail his own doping career and Lances.
Where things differed are the that after hearing the testimony, the institutions (mainly, the UCI and USA Cycling) snapped back into shape and followed their own rules. Lance was suspended for life from all events ALL. His confession to Oprah was likely an attempt to weasel back into racing. Then came the lawsuits.
I think I can bring this back around. The never-trumpers are right in warning us all that he won’t be stopped until he is stopped by institutions. Voters can’t stop him. The Democratic Party can’t stop him. He must suffer the fate of Armstrong. Cast out forever by his own allies.
Voters CAN stop him. We’ve already done it once. It’s the institutions that are failing us, they are ineffective when faced with people of ill-will determined to ignore norms and laws for power.
I think there are things we can and should do to strengthen our democracy, but the voters do worry me. Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the other forms.
In a roundabout way I meant voters aren’t enough to excise an authoritarian from the body politic. Defeat at the ballot box isn’t enough. Cycling had their 16 Republican senators willing to remove Armstrong from “office”. It’s a combo of a few people within his circle willing to destroy themselves + authorities willing to pursue justice + members and/or elites supporting them. Never-Trump is phase one. Phase 2 is the trials and investigations. The final phase is the party elites turning their backs on him. Armstrong is still a pariah in cycling, but he’s still constantly trying to worm his way back. He’s going to be in a reality TV show soon. Trump, like Lance, will never go away. Losing an election is an inconvenience.
(I will stop - I’m starting to scare myself.)
At least Trump is much older than Lance? If you want an even scarier parallel, check out the the story of South Africa's version of Donald Trump, Jacob Zuma. The party finally dumped him but only after he did enormous damage. And he's a rapist, too!
Same! Wow, thank you for writing this post. I was an elder at a church here in Chicago during the rise and eventual presidency of Trump. I have yet to be able to write about it but I’m no longer a member, let alone an elder, of that church because of some Trumpian dynamics.
Seeing people at The Bulwark sacrifice so much for principles matter a lot to me.
I too love your parodies! And like several commenters before me, your story sounds so much like mine. It's so nice to find this new tribe in a dark time. Keep writing!
I have come to The Bulwark from the opposite direction. I'm left-of-center yet love what I hear on The Bulwark because (to me) it's what politics *should* be. Everyone agrees on the goal: make the country the best it can be. What we disagree on is how best to get there. But at least the folks at The Bulwark are willing to admit there are problems, and they give good-faith suggestions to their opponents.
Or maybe I'm just older now and getting more conservative.
Nah you're just an old-school decent human being. Never change.
Hi Holly, it's so nice to get to know you! I absolutely love this personal essay. There's a lot I can relate to after leaving Catholicism and my hometown. I found the Bulwark, where I met you, the same way you did: hating the sense of not-belonging I had from spotting early that Trump is a sociopath. Boy does this resonate: "I’ve sadly had experience with a bonafide sociopath and recognized Trump as one immediately." Somehow when I explain I can't support Trump because I'm related to a sociopath, it doesn't sway any voters. Imagine that! But I've been "meeting" interesting and intelligent people like you online, and it makes me feel a little less crazy. I think we should keep opting for weird, though.
An awful lot of Ds at the Bulwark, even if we don’t agree with all of the Bulwarkers all the time.
I think anyone who understands the top priority as preserving democracy and liberalism and otherwise tolerates debate is part of this herd!
Good read.
I like the Bulwark+ because 1) they’re freed from and antagonistic to the right wing siloed media kowtowing to itself and 2) they provide valid and objective criticisms of the left that often go unchallenged in mainstream media.
As far as objective journalism and reasoned opinion out there, it’s the best I’ve found. That, and the community associated with it are smart, creative, thoughtful and engaging, much like yourself.
Thanks for sharing.
You are a treasure, and I get a little giddy when I get the notification of a new post to read.
Awww shucks ☺️
Love this. I have also been in search of a herd since 2016. Lost a lot of friends. Struggled to find a new church. Still afraid to talk to people there. Found a great online community with The Bulwark and my secret Facebook group.
So glad I found this! While I was never anything close to a Republican, I love The Bulwark because it reminds me that the people who are slightly to the right of center (who yes, now are basically Dems) are not insane.
I was at Wellesley on election night 2016. Instead of getting a congratulations we did it from our most famous alum, we slumped in each others arms and wept.
People told me I was overreacting. We were ALL underreacting.
The Bulwark is the place where I go to know...nope...still not overreacting.
Though man...those podcasts...I just cannot with them.
I loved this piece, and you have Amanda down Pat. I am a Democrat and find myself at home at the Bulwark. I do worry that Niki Haley ends up being the candidate, and I will lose all of my Bulwark friends.
Nope. Anyone who has remotely tolerated Trump is a no/go forever. I think our friends here agree.
Keep up the great parody videos. Really like the latest one with the Amanda spoof.
In the before time, I never feel the connection to a publication like I am with the Bulwark today. Listening to their pods, watching the livestream and attending live events really build a different type of relationship. They are truly the best thing that happened since that awful day when Trump descended from the escalator.