Paint. The. Wall.

You don't even need Mexico to do anything. Unless it wants to, of course. Then Mexico is welcome.

We had a blank wall along our patio that I’ve wanted to turn into a mural for awhile. Nothing too elaborate, as I’m only an amateur artist (and the larger the project, the more difficult it is). I thought I might manage some words, maybe a rainbow, easy stuff like that.

Then I had an idea.

What if I invited a bunch of friends over and allowed/forced them to pain a mural?!

One of the eventual guests asked, “What kind of an a**hole has a party where they make everyone paint stuff?” I think he was joking (was he joking?)

To be fair, I painted the main feature myself ahead of time. Also I served food and drink. Everyone was well compensated.

Some of you may be rolling your eyes and wondering if I realize just how schmaltzy/cheesy/hokey I am. The answer is YES, I do. I realize that spending time reading/writing/thinking about belonging and community and friendship, and especially painting, “You belong here” on a wall, is kind of cringe in these cool, cynical times.

Well, here’s the thing. First of all, I have never, ever, EVER been cool in my entire life, and I am not about to start at age almost-50. I could give you multiple exhibits/tell multiple stories demonstrating just how uncool I am. But for today, I’ll just show you contrasting photos of me and my husband modeling his Arkansas Razorbacks hog-hat for the mock-umentary we made for our wedding (I mean, seriously, that whole sentence is indicative). Kevin, by the way, is so cool, his nickname in high school was “Ice Man.” He is not cool enough to not be married to me, however.

This tells you everything you need to know.

Second, not only am I not cool, I think people trying to be cool is one reason why so many people are lonely. Everyone’s too afraid to appear lonely or needy or vulnerable. Or else they are too afraid to be needed or obligated or uncomfortable. So we all stay in our little spaces, trying to stay cool-looking and being sadder than we need to be.

Well I say f*** that sh**. I say invite a bunch of people over to paint a too-cute mural and see what happens. Most of them won’t come, even a lot of the people who RSVPed. You will overestimate how many people will come and have way too much food. Who cares. You can freeze some of it.

Some of the ones who do come will be too afraid to mess up and they won’t want to paint. You tell those people it’s literally better if they mess up because you are going for an “authentic” look. Also, if it’s really ugly, you can paint over it later (just kidding, I didn’t do that).

And then you’ll end up with something just spectacular.

Mtu ni Watu is a Swahili proverb that means, “A person is People.” Ubuntu is a Zulu word that means, “I am what I am because of who we all are.”

Tetiana and Serhii painted the sunflower and the Ukrainian and American flags. Such an honor to have them add to our wall, and I think you’ll agree, they are good artists!

Thanks to everyone who contributed to this. I absolutely love it. If any of you live in the DC area or will be here and want to come add to the wall, message me!

Now, you might be thinking that painting “You Belong Here” on a wall does nothing to actually make people feel they belong. They might come to your house and still feel out of place and lonely. And then the wall might even feel like a cruel joke.

A wall isn't going to create community.

But maybe it will remind the people present—starting with the hosts—to do the things that will. To listen better. To ask questions. To be curious. To withhold judgment. To try to understand and empathize. To be visibly imperfect and admittedly unimpressive. To find that person who seems like they need a friend and to be that friend, even if they aren’t in a place yet to return the favor equally.

To be totally uncool. As uncool as this mural.

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I’m heading into a ridiculously busy time, so I am not sure how much I’m going to write here over the next couple of months. I’m going to be traveling quite a bit, working on edits to my book, and writing some things to pitch for publication elsewhere. I’ll try to dig up/edit/repost some older pieces, but in case there’s not much on here for a bit, please don’t go! I promise I will be back!

Til next time, be a friend, make a friend.