Marco Rubio will assemble your iPhone at no charge

And other Friday "Fun," 16 May 2025

Apparently his day job of being Secretary of State is not enough to fill Marco Rubio’s time now that American foreign policy is basically a bribe facilitation operation. Or maybe he needs the extra cash in Trump’s economy so he can buy dolls and pencils (although the State Department claims he is getting only one salary. In US currency anyway). Because he is now holding down multiple jobs, including:

• Administrator of USAID Remnants/Overseer of African Child Death

• National Security Adviser/Signal Chat Administrator

• Archivist of Documents Stolen From the United States

• Chief Putin Apologist and Ukrainian Backstabber

• Senior Revoker of International Student Visas

• Chief Air Traffic Controller for Newark Airport

• Pete Hegseth’s makeup artist

• Kristi Noem’s lip filler

• Kash Patel’s leather curer

• Pam Bondi’s spray tanner

• The invisible Jesus on Karoline Leavitt’s cross necklace

• Spokesmodel for The National Association of Soulless People

• A shell of a man

• The ghost of Marco Rubio’s conscience

Although that sounds like a lot of work, it’s actually pretty easy to look the other way while a sociopath destroys the world order. It’s slightly harder is to sit on a couch watching the sociopath doing that without looking completely constipated (OK, he mostly fails at this).

Most of these jobs in the Trump administration involve not doing them. So he has plenty of time on his hands (or he would have, if Pete Hegseth’s makeup routine wasn’t so involved).

Marco Rubio’s astounding efficiency will come in handy as America faces a massive labor shortage due to the deportation of millions of immigrants, the exodus of skilled foreigners who do not wish to live in a gulag/Kristi Noem Instagram feed, and the return of manufacturing jobs en masse from China due to Trump’s beautiful tariffs.

I have no doubt that Marco Rubio will make up any shortfall. Soon he will be building most of America’s homes (+ the border wall, at long last), performing life-saving cancer research, and of course, screwing in all those tiny iPhone screws with his Lil Marco hands. He will also install Barbie’s hair plugs.

If needed, he can also drill for oil, perform surgeries for the VA (there won’t be very many now that we don’t have trans people), collect taxes door-to-door, and pastor all the churches in America (he kind of already does this through his Christian example and Twitter Bible verse posts).

Better yet, he will do this all at no extra cost to taxpayers, because when you’ve already sold your soul and become a robotic serf, why not throw in your free labor. He only requires plenty of bottled water.

Just don’t ask him to cook, clean, or raise any children. That’s women’s work.

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Bonus funny, another installment of Drink with Me. I actually really, really liked this wine for real.

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Thank you all for your concern and kind words for my friends and my cousin Tracy (see my last post). I am sad to tell you that Tracy passed away not long after I published that post. It was a long, tough fight, and I’m glad she isn’t suffering any more. As I said, we weren’t close, but I am so grateful I got to say goodbye.

I will return to Texas next weekend to spend some more time with my friend. I’m hoping we have a firm diagnosis and treatment plan by then. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers, as well as Charlie and Angie.

I have very little to report on the #OneThing front, given all that’s been going on. But I did go to my first church choir rehearsal—my music reading skills are as dormant as Marco Rubio’s principles—I will be canvassing (for Abigail Spanberger) for the first time tomorrow—slightly nervous about that—and I have started a new art fundraiser.

I’ve rebranded my Etsy shop Art For Democracy, and I’ve designated several pieces to donate 100% of profits to charity. You can still get the Ukraine flag, but you can also get other pieces, including this American flag. The proceeds of this first tranche will benefit

Protect Democracy

.

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Join my book launch team!!!

Help spread the word about my book by reading an advance copy (which will be sent to you), writing reviews on Amazon and/or other platforms, posting on social media, and telling your networks about it.

If this is something you can do, please email me your postal address holly_berkley@yahoo.com. I do have a limited number of spots. Please do not volunteer unless you are sure you can read the book before August 19 and spread the word as described.

Thanks for your support!

Of course, I also would love everyone to preorder the book if you have not yet done so.

In related news, my publisher send over some pretty awesome graphics:

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I haven’t been reading too much, not gonna lie. I just started a biography of Eisenhower (to help me with my new NPS volunteer gig) that I believe is the most massive book I have ever seen. I will either finish reading it several months from now or I will hollow it out and turn it into a beach cottage.

Hope everyone out there is waking up every day with some idea of what they are doing here and enough joy to see it through.

Grace and peace, friends. Go well. Godspeed.