Since I spent an obscene amount of time dumpster diving into the far recesses of my long-term memory to write my last post (not belonging related), I’m going to do a bit of a digest this week.
Incidentally, please read my last post :) It sounds kinda boring, but it’s actually really good, in my humble opinion. It’s basically my doctoral dissertation made readable and relevant. Plus memes and gifs. Pretty please… it’s free?
Next up—an update on Tetiana and Serhii (whose names it turns out we’ve been misspelling this whole time).
They arrived a week or so ago, and last weekend we got them moved into the apartment we found for them. The landlady is a former Marine, and she picked them out of 50 applicants, knocked the price down, and waived the security fee. It’s in a great location, too, near the train and lots of other things. Then a whole bunch of people donated everything we needed to furnish and equip it. They and their little dog are settling in well and seem very happy with it. We have raised enough money to cover their expenses for a few months, but they still need work.
We also hosted a welcome dinner for them with our sponsor group, plus Ben Parker (Bulwark fans will know him as one of their writers/editors, as well as Mona Charen’s son), who speaks Russian. He came to converse with Serhii, who has very little English, and his presence made a huge difference.
He translated what turned into an incredibly awkward toast that I offered, during which Tetiana, who does speak pretty good English, looked like she was getting a bikini wax and Serhii appeared absolutely baffled. It went something like this:
Tetiana and Serhii, we are so happy and honored to have you here in America. We hope you will feel welcome. We will be honored to eventually have you as our fellow Americans. I mean, maybe, if you want to be. You probably would rather go home to Ukraine, wouldn’t you. Also I don’t know about how the asylum visas work. But if you want to be American, we would love you to join us permanently. Ben, just scratch that whole thing, don’t translate it. Just tell them welcome and we are honored. And also I’m really sorry, I do tend to do this kind of thing. I don’t know what the word for “awkward” is in Russian. Anyway, just fix it, Ben.
A little later on, I started asking them about their journey out of Ukraine. You know, I thought they might want to tell their story, to be seen and heard, like David Brooks advised in his book.
But it turns out that some people, particularly refugees who have been through so very much, and have now arrived in another totally new country and are feeling really overwhelmed, just want to talk about the weather. Friends, I made Tetiana cry. Not a tear or two. Like, she had to excuse herself and go and bawl her eyes out in the restroom.
Bottom line is, first, Holly is always gonna Holly. Clearly no amount of reading about social skills is gonna change that.
And second, not all advice, even good advice from best-selling authors, is appropriate for every occasion. Live and learn.
A few things I read this week that I greatly enjoyed.
First of all, my best friend Gary, has finally started writing a multi-part story about his Dad’s entanglement with a Nigerian scammer that is epic.
Second, another Bulwark friend, Will Selber, who served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, finally was able to get his beloved Afghan interpreter—who like other US employees, was being hunted by the Taliban—safely to the US. A lot of Bulwark supporters contributed to provide for Ahmadullah and his family in a Pakistani safe house for 6 months until their visas were approved and then to buy their plane tickets for an immediate departure once they were. Follow Will for more on his story.
Then, I finally started reading a novel written by my friend via the internet, Andrew Ordover. It’s a detective story, the third in a series, and it’s such a joy. He does a masterful job painting his characters, and his narrator has an endearing, distinctive voice.
By reading his book, I feel like I’m getting to know Andrew better by observing and appreciating his gifts. And that’s what human connection is really all about.
Then, on top of that, Andrew wrote a beautiful post that speaks very well to our theme of belonging. This quote in particular jumped out at me:
It seems to me that “reality” has to be a composite—a multi-faceted prism rather than a single pane of glass. If we want to understand the reality of the world around us, we need to look through different lenses and listen to different voices. That’s the world we actually share, if we care to know it.
It takes all of us, friends, and all our many different experiences and perspectives,1 to understand ourselves and our world. To become who we were meant to be. Life is a group project.
We belong not by wedging our little pieces into the spaces left in half-constructed puzzles. We belong by getting up from the table and walking into a technicolor, multidimensional world that has room enough for us all.
Have a great weekend.
Some people’s perspective are of course noxious and toxic. But even those, and understanding where they come from, teach us something. At the very least, they warn us about the darkness and dangers that lurk within our own hearts.
As soon as I saw that you had posted, I stopped what I was reading and read your reply piece. And as always, it was worth it. Thank you, Holly!
I always look forward to your posts and will go read the links!
So glad that Tatiana and Sergeii are settling in!